Five more questions
Jun. 15th, 2003 09:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lathanyThis time, from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
onebyone.
1. I have the impression that your decision to have children was not taken lightly - what were the pros and cons which you weighed up?
OK. This is a really long one.
To start with, I had been putting off the decision for years. It came up from time to time after I got married. You know how some long term couples have relatives asking them when they're going to get married (there is no "if") ? Well, I had friends and relatives (fortunately not Dom's parents or mine) asking me when we were going to have kids (why else had we got married after all ?!). And every time the question came up, it scared me.
Then I turned thirty and had to choose.
Why thirty ? Well, a combination of two things. Firstly I felt strongly that if I was going to have children, it was going to be two (assuming that choice was mine). My father was an only child and he found it extraordinarily lonely. Secondly, I'm a government statistician who has worked on abortion, miscarriage, disability and infant mortality figures. Once you've worked in those areas, you don't contemplate having kids over the age of thirty-five - trust me on this one. So fitting two pregnancies in (including allowing for the possibility of problems, miscarriages and a couple of years gap between them), I needed to allow about five years. Yes - I'm one of life's planners; it's probably a one point quirk.
Of course the irony is, I never figured on only needing one pregnancy to have two kids.
There was another factor, as well. I had been asked often enough, that the question was really starting to piss me off. Consequently, if the answer was going to be "no", I wanted to be able to start setting people straight now. I wanted to make a final decision, either way, then stick to it.
So, that summer (2000) I wrestled with the decision. Dom said it was mine to make - 'cos I was the one who would have to deal with the pregnancy. He was happy to help with the childcare, but I had to do the first bit.
Why am I telling you all this ? Because it meant that I decided that the decision was now or never, hence some of the pros and cons below.
The pros meant more to me than the cons, and I made the decision.
2. If you could choose one "specialist knowledge" to study - some obscure activity or place or period of history or whatever - that you currently know almost nothing about, what would it be?
Difficult one, that. I think, on reflection, I would be interested in folk tales, their variations and origins. I've always been interested in how a number of stories are very similar to each other and where they came from. I touched on it briefly during my OU degree (during the Homer : Poetry and Society course) and I wanted to do more.
3. What are your favourite three possessions?
Hmmm. Depends on how you count such things. I'm very fond of a number of books, CDs and Final Fantasy VII but, if I really did lose them, I could buy replacements (including from ebay). Also I treasure my photo albums, but I'm not sure than any one album is particularly a favourite and I certainly don't have a favourite photograph.
I think it boils down to :
1. My goblin mirror. This is an ordinary mirror with a line of painted snotlings milliputted to the bottom.
2. The Picture It's the one that hangs in the lounge showing an old man waking in a strange room. Josie (my sister-in-law) painted it. I spotted it at her A level exhibition and fell in love with it.
3. My gold bracelet I am also very fond of the locket (with baby pictures) that Nina bought me. However, my bracelet just wins the favourite award today. It is three-coloured and Dom bought it for me to celebrate the millennium.
A few things just fail to make it into the top three. The locket (already mentioned), my winter coat - black with a gold lining and silver/black buttons - which Emma made and a copy of Deep Secret which Diana Wynne Jones signed when she was talking to me about writing.
4. If you suddenly gained an extra day in every week, what would you spend it doing? Assume that the rest of your life is taken care of.
Hmmm. No twins you mean ? Well, I'd like to be able to get out a bit more. Go to a few museums and things in London, do a bit of shopping on my own. That sort of thing. Plus a lie-in a week would be great. I suspect I would sleep in, get in a few hours of writing in the morning (to make me feel less as though the day were "wasted") and then go out in the afternoon. Sometimes into London to shop/sight-see/etc. sometimes walking around Feltham and the nearby parks (because it's much cheaper). And when Final Fantasy XI and XII come out I'd spend the whole day playing them.
5. What was the best thing about working full time?
The best ? Tricky that.
The money was nice, definitely. The people were pretty good company, it was the civil service, after all. Also, the sense of achievement was great. I enjoyed doing my work and tended to make a good job of it. Plus it was good to be in a whole different world for some of the time - new people to see and talk to. And some of the restaurants in Pimlico were worth a visit.
Sadly, however, on balance I'd have to go for the money. After all - if I wasn't being paid I would have been doing something else (such as writing).
As ever - I am happy to provide more questions to anyone who wants them.
onebyone.1. I have the impression that your decision to have children was not taken lightly - what were the pros and cons which you weighed up?
OK. This is a really long one.
To start with, I had been putting off the decision for years. It came up from time to time after I got married. You know how some long term couples have relatives asking them when they're going to get married (there is no "if") ? Well, I had friends and relatives (fortunately not Dom's parents or mine) asking me when we were going to have kids (why else had we got married after all ?!). And every time the question came up, it scared me.
Then I turned thirty and had to choose.
Why thirty ? Well, a combination of two things. Firstly I felt strongly that if I was going to have children, it was going to be two (assuming that choice was mine). My father was an only child and he found it extraordinarily lonely. Secondly, I'm a government statistician who has worked on abortion, miscarriage, disability and infant mortality figures. Once you've worked in those areas, you don't contemplate having kids over the age of thirty-five - trust me on this one. So fitting two pregnancies in (including allowing for the possibility of problems, miscarriages and a couple of years gap between them), I needed to allow about five years. Yes - I'm one of life's planners; it's probably a one point quirk.
Of course the irony is, I never figured on only needing one pregnancy to have two kids.
There was another factor, as well. I had been asked often enough, that the question was really starting to piss me off. Consequently, if the answer was going to be "no", I wanted to be able to start setting people straight now. I wanted to make a final decision, either way, then stick to it.
So, that summer (2000) I wrestled with the decision. Dom said it was mine to make - 'cos I was the one who would have to deal with the pregnancy. He was happy to help with the childcare, but I had to do the first bit.
Why am I telling you all this ? Because it meant that I decided that the decision was now or never, hence some of the pros and cons below.
- Current biological clock - con. I never heard my biological clock ticking. Ever. I'm not even sure I have one.
- Future biological clock - pro. I was aware that, whilst I wasn't currently yearning to have a baby, I might be when I hit forty (or fifty) and it would all be too late.
- Dom - pro. I was of the opinion that Dom definitely wanted kids, but was trying not to put pressure on me. Also I knew he meant the bit about sharing the childcare. And I thought he'd make a great dad.
- Something New - pro. I had lived my life without kids. I had enjoyed it. But I wasn't sure that I was happy to continue with just the same things (the same challenges) until I retired. This didn't, of course, mean children. But it was one of the options.
- Job-wise - pro. Work-wise things were pretty good. The civil service is excellent at the whole family-time thing and I had recently been promoted.
- House-wise - con. I would have much preferred to be living in a bigger house (and this was for one baby).
- Grandparents - pro. Neither set ever said anything (and in Dom's mother's case this was extremely heroic - she's a complete baby fanatic), but I knew that they wanted grandchildren and would be very good with them.
- Curiosity - pro. I was very curious to know what it was like to have kids. It made many of my (work) friends very happy and seemed, with two parents, to be a big plus.
- Body changes - con. No, I really didn't fancy the stretch marks, the drooping breasts or the weak bladder that all the literature promised me.
- Pregnancy - con. This actually turned out better than I expected. However the idea of it, the morning sickness, the clumsiness, the mood swings and the promise of a painful labour (and the rest) just wasn't remotely appealing. However, what really scared me was the idea of something moving inside me that I wasn't in control of. I've probably watched too many Alien films.
- Announcement - pro. As bad reasons go, this is a biggy. However, I liked the idea of being able to announce something new about my life (after all I don't do the whole partner-swapping thing).
- Me as a parent ? - con. I never saw myself in the "responsible parent" role. Ever. I had a nasty feeling that if there was an exam on how to be a parent - I would fail.
- What spare time ? - con. I felt that my spare time was pretty stretched anyway. I knew that children would pretty much annihilate it. On the other hand, I wasn't getting as much out of RPGSoc parties as I used to.
- No more of my life ? - con. The one thing I was told by every other parent was how I would lose any claim to a life of my own. I didn't want that. I liked my independence and it was a hard thing to give up.
The pros meant more to me than the cons, and I made the decision.
2. If you could choose one "specialist knowledge" to study - some obscure activity or place or period of history or whatever - that you currently know almost nothing about, what would it be?
Difficult one, that. I think, on reflection, I would be interested in folk tales, their variations and origins. I've always been interested in how a number of stories are very similar to each other and where they came from. I touched on it briefly during my OU degree (during the Homer : Poetry and Society course) and I wanted to do more.
3. What are your favourite three possessions?
Hmmm. Depends on how you count such things. I'm very fond of a number of books, CDs and Final Fantasy VII but, if I really did lose them, I could buy replacements (including from ebay). Also I treasure my photo albums, but I'm not sure than any one album is particularly a favourite and I certainly don't have a favourite photograph.
I think it boils down to :
1. My goblin mirror. This is an ordinary mirror with a line of painted snotlings milliputted to the bottom.
2. The Picture It's the one that hangs in the lounge showing an old man waking in a strange room. Josie (my sister-in-law) painted it. I spotted it at her A level exhibition and fell in love with it.
3. My gold bracelet I am also very fond of the locket (with baby pictures) that Nina bought me. However, my bracelet just wins the favourite award today. It is three-coloured and Dom bought it for me to celebrate the millennium.
A few things just fail to make it into the top three. The locket (already mentioned), my winter coat - black with a gold lining and silver/black buttons - which Emma made and a copy of Deep Secret which Diana Wynne Jones signed when she was talking to me about writing.
4. If you suddenly gained an extra day in every week, what would you spend it doing? Assume that the rest of your life is taken care of.
Hmmm. No twins you mean ? Well, I'd like to be able to get out a bit more. Go to a few museums and things in London, do a bit of shopping on my own. That sort of thing. Plus a lie-in a week would be great. I suspect I would sleep in, get in a few hours of writing in the morning (to make me feel less as though the day were "wasted") and then go out in the afternoon. Sometimes into London to shop/sight-see/etc. sometimes walking around Feltham and the nearby parks (because it's much cheaper). And when Final Fantasy XI and XII come out I'd spend the whole day playing them.
5. What was the best thing about working full time?
The best ? Tricky that.
The money was nice, definitely. The people were pretty good company, it was the civil service, after all. Also, the sense of achievement was great. I enjoyed doing my work and tended to make a good job of it. Plus it was good to be in a whole different world for some of the time - new people to see and talk to. And some of the restaurants in Pimlico were worth a visit.
Sadly, however, on balance I'd have to go for the money. After all - if I wasn't being paid I would have been doing something else (such as writing).
As ever - I am happy to provide more questions to anyone who wants them.
