2005 and 2016

I've picked this up from venta who gave me 2005. I've re-ordered this a bit as the twins tie in with my relationship.

Age then: 34-35, depending on when in 2005 you asked.
Age now: 46.

Relationship status then (and now): married to bateleur.

Back in 2005, we'd be married for a decade and been together for thirteen years. Our relationship in itself was very stable but, at this point, dominated by parenthood as the twins' early years were so traumatic. I rarely write anything at all about my relationship, other than factual, so it's almost odd now to look back and try and think about what it was.

I think that we had (and have) a very stable relationship and that, having survived the twins' early years, it was clearly pretty strong and likely to survive everything else. Also, we had decent communication as that was the year that we arranged to swap over the child care arrangements. Finally, we had (and have) similar interests, most notably roleplaying and pretty much the same friendship circle.

I think that it is better now than it was then. Not by a huge margin, but in small ways. It helps that the twins' lives are much more stable and that many of the things we still had to sort out back then (such as where we would live in the long term) are now sorted out. In addition, just having more living space and nicer things (eg. a computer each!) helps a lot. I think that we also are better at understanding and supporting each other. Again, not by a huge margin, but simply having found better solutions when one or other of us is having problems, is ill or wants some support (for instance, I tend to like to walk my troubles out - preferably somewhere with trees and grass - and he tends to come with me). We still have similar hobbies, but we've specialised a little more - my computer game choices and bateleur's actually have a fairly small overlap now (eg. The Witness) and we're in most of the same roleplaying games as each other, but not all. However, I do still have the same issue on Fbook as I did on LJ - that I have to be careful commenting on posts where he already has if I think more or less the same thing as there is the same danger that people feel we're ganging up (as was complained about back in the day)!

Kids then: Yes, twins (Ryan and Bea) that turned four years old just before the end of 2005.
Kids now: The same, only they're 14 now.

Back in 2005, they dominated my life as I was parent-at-home for most of it. It was the year that they both first attempted potty training and consequently it was rather full of poo and washing. However, health was still an issue. By 2005 we knew that Bea didn't have cerebral palsy, had completed her physiotherapy, and might actually have escaped any serious long-term health problems. In contrast, Ryan's problems were surfacing and he started speech therapy that year (his autism diagnosis was much later). In short, I loved them, but they were still a very, very stressful job.

Now, it is lovely. Bea has a normal teenager life and Ryan is happily settled at a school for autistic children. I can have conversations with both of them (although Bea says rather more in reply than her brother). I enjoy being with them. Yes, Ryan might never be independent, but it's by no means ruled out. It's a very different place to where I was. Also, it turns out that having bateleur as parent-at-home suits us all much better.

Living then: Feltham (our first house).
Living now: Ashford (our current/second house).

In 2005, our house in Feltham was too small for us. We'd not planned to have two children in that house (a downside of twins) and it was a huge issue. It was better in terms of local facilities, the local shopping was good (nearby Tesco and a range of high street shops), it is a slightly faster journey as a commuter (and cheaper as it's in zone 6) and I liked the local playgroup (although that shut in 2005!). Sadly, almost no-one we knew lived close (chrestomancy and TheHattedOne were doing their year of world tour). Finally, I had never really loved the house and we hadn't planned to stay there as long as we did.

Now, I love my Ashford house - and always have. It's bigger, a better arrangement for us (lots of rooms - including separate ones for the twins) and an improvement in almost every way. My commute is longer, but I like my walk to the station better (cats, roses and windchimes). The shopping isn't as good, but this impacts bateleur more than me (and, besides, there's both a good cake shop and a good ice cream place). A number of people now live closer to us, not walking distance, but viable public transport.

Occupation then: I started out on a career break, then returned to work in October in a new post, pretending to be an economist back at the Office for National Statistics (civil service).
Occupation now: It's a joint policy advisor / statistician role for the Office of Manpower Economics (civil service).

Huge change here - I returned to work. In 2005 I really wasn't happy being at home. It comes through in almost every serious LJ entry I wrote. Yes, I got to write and I could play computer games (although usually only in playgroup time), but I felt horribly isolated from friends. Also, I never felt like a natural childcarer type, but more a bit of a fraud.

Now in 2016, I'm comfortable where I am and I get decent reports. I do have to move job soon (mostly to avoid being seen as having a career that's stuck and stale!) and things do occasionally go badly (actually, this week has been dire). But I like my colleagues and, on the whole, get a lot of satisfaction from my job. It's all a much better fit for me than parent-at-home was.

Happy then: Mostly not.
Happy now: Mostly yes!

Back in 2005, I was struggling to avoid depression (and, judging by some of my LJ entries, sometimes failing). I found being at home difficult and I wanted to move house. chrestomancy was away for most of the year and so I didn't have support from him (which I've had across most of my life). Also, I was having problems with some friends (those friendships would end the following year).

Now my days tend to be good on the whole. I've had a few stressful periods, but no actual depression for some years. One aspect of this is that I'm better at looking after myself and being aware of what might stress me, make me sad or tire me out. My career is mainly a positive thing and I love my house. The people I see the most of either in person or electronically (Writers' Triangle, WH40K, TSW and 100 Secrets) are people I enjoy spending time with. I guess that's a good point to end on.

Comment if you'd like a year of your own to consider.