Robin

[lathany]

Two main two things of today for me.

1. I survived the work Xmas meal. I was responsible for the choice of restaurant and no-one died of food poisoning. I think people even liked the place. That's definitely a win.

2. I found a link to this in a comment on a friend's journal today. I found, as I read it with increasing fascination, that it reminded me of some of my social circle. For which I will probably get flamed, so I'm stopping there.

Comments

[onebyone.livejournal.com]

Does anyone assume that because they hate someone everyone else also does?

Well, I'm exaggerating to say that one might assume that everyone also hates them, but I think it's a pretty common form of projection to think "I hate X, so other people will probably hate it too". X needn't be a person, and when it is you'd probably think, "I guess their Mum doesn't", rather than making a universal assumption...

I don't know whether I would make the same point in response to the post you describe, so I may not be adding anything to that debate. As you've described it, I agree with point 1, although I'd possibly go further and say that there might well be people who find the person annoying but nevertheless like them. These are the people with the greatest stake in making those people less annoying.

The original claim seems to be that we have a duty to iron out behaviours in others that we find annoying. Stated that way I think it's firstly a bit self-centred to be a guiding principle, and secondly potentially quite patronising, and hence itself "annoying", if taken too far. It's one thing to think that someone "lacks social skills", it's another thing to assume that they'd therefore be glad of my assistance and tutelage...

[lathany.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm exaggerating to say that one might assume that everyone also hates them, but I think it's a pretty common form of projection to think "I hate X, so other people will probably hate it too".

I can believe that as a starting point where there simply isn't any other information (like it's similar but opposite to the situation where people introduce their friends to friends). However, once you've seen them interact with others, it means making a number of misinterpretations about friends' visible reactions, plus misunderstanding what they like and don't like in people and so on. I think all that is rather less likely.

It's one thing to think that someone "lacks social skills", it's another thing to assume that they'd therefore be glad of my assistance and tutelage...

I agree. Because I've summarised, I've probably made the original claim look worse than it actually was; although I feel that there was a certain element of that in there.

I'd possibly go further and say that there might well be people who find the person annoying but nevertheless like them.

Yes, I can identify with that. I've heard other people make that sort of statement as well.